Dear Friends,
The Q&A section of Andrea Fella’s sixth talk included some comments that certainly reflect many of my experiences. Do you relate to any of these? Take heart, you’re not alone!
One meditator commented:
In the moments that I have that awareness that I actually am aware, it’s immediately ruined by my judgment around the fact that all this time I wasn’t aware!
Yep, I can relate!
Andrea F encourages us to have perspective. This moment of remembering creates the opportunity to get more familiar with that experience of mindfulness. She encourages an attitude of curiosity about mindfulness instead of reproaching oneself.
For me, I like an analogy from a positive method of dog training. Suppose you have a puppy that has run off, and then they come back to you. If you yell at the puppy because they shouldn’t have run away, the puppy may begin to equate “coming back to person” equals “getting yelled at”. However, if you praise the puppy because they came back, and maybe even give them a few treats when they come back, they may equate “coming back to person” equals “praise and treats!” So tell me… which puppy is likely going to want to come back to you when you call them?
Our minds aren’t much different. So when I realize that I’m mindful now after having been lost in thought, I try to smile have an attitude of welcoming and curiosity to my puppy-dog mind.
Even so, sometimes, the little critic that sits on my shoulder will wag its finger at me and tell me I’m not a good meditator. In those cases, Andrea F says we can be mindful of that: “judgment is arising.”
The same meditator goes on to mention
When I first started mediating, the realization that I was … lost in thoughts so often was like a second dagger. … And things got a little bit worse – it was very disconcerting.
Yep again! I have moments like that too!
Andrea F says that it’s true: our minds go off and we don’t have control over them, but that’s not a problem! Again, she encourages curiosity – be curious about our minds, and be curious about being aware, and be aware about the judgment – how does it feel? It hurts!
The mind will do its stuff. Through awareness, we can become familiar with the habitual patterns and see how they don’t serve us. That discovery will help the habits and patterns that don’t serve us to weaken and fall away. She gave an example that with self-judgment, the mind itself will begin to recognize that “this way lies suffering” and then it will begin to let go of that self-negativity and gravitate towards well-being.
She mentions that there will be many times that we return to mindfulness and we realize that things are pretty peaceful, but there will also be times when
we wake up in the midst of our habits and patterns–and that hurts. And yet, that’s not a mistake. The practice of mindfulness, of being aware of the fact that it hurts is how the transformation happens.
She comments that promos for mindfulness don’t often cover this aspect: “Become mindful and see how hard you are on yourself.” But that’s a part of what happens. The mere fact of being mindful doesn’t fix thing instantaneously – the mind’s ideas are very entrenched – but over time, changes do happen.
It’s humbling as we begin to watch our minds, and yet, it’s also beautiful.
This discussion reminded me of this quote from Archbishop François Fénelon:
As the light increases, we see ourselves to be worse than we thought. We are amazed at our former blindness as we see issuing forth from the depths of our heart a whole swarm of shameful feelings…. We never could have believed that we had harbored such things, and we stand aghast as we watch them gradually appear. But we must neither be amazed nor disheartened. We are not worse than we were; on the contrary, we are better. While our faults diminish, the light by which we see them waxes brighter and we are filled with horror. Bear in mind, for your comfort, that we only perceive our malady when the cure begins.
So today, I want to offer encouragement to be kind to your puppy-dog mind, to be patient, and to keep practicing.
With best wishes,
Andrea
I loved your analogy of dog training! Thanks. Carol
I loved the puppy-dog analogy. My mind often romps offs and wanders during the day, and the idea of welcoming it back to mindfulness with praise is sure appealing. For a few moments, I even contemplated a treat to make the whole experience more memorable and to fit with trying to eat more mindfully, but I decided I’d do better to make the praise and warm welcome back the treat!
Have noticed that when I am mindful, I am at my most embodied, aware of where parts of my body are in contact with something and any sensations around that contact. At the moment, it’s my fingers on the keys of my computer, my nails making a clicking sound when my fingertips push and release the keys; my forearms on the top and the edge of the desk; my sitting bones most prominently, but also my buttocks, on the the chair seat on which I’m sitting; and the tips of my big toes against the floor.