Dear Friends,
Here we are, already into the second week of January. Maybe, like me, you’ve hit a few bumps on your path based on the intention you’ve set for the month/day/year. When that happens, my default behavior is to get down on myself. And then I get down on myself for getting down on myself…
In her book Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach tells a story from Anthony de Mello, a Jesuit priest. He said he was neurotic, depressed, and selfish. His friends told him to change, and while he agreed with them, no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t. Then one day, a friend said to him, “Don’t change. I love you just as you are.” De Mello writes: “Those words were music to my ears: Don’t change, Don’t change. Don’t change… I love you as you are. I relaxed. I came alive. And suddenly I changed!”
One of the things I have been contemplating is how to be that friend to myself. To say, “I love you just as you are” – to me! I’ve found the work of Dr. Kristin Neff to be beneficial in this regard. According to Dr. Neff, self-compassion has three elements: mindfulness (this is a moment of suffering), common humanity (other people feel this way), and kindness (may I be kind to myself). Through self-compassion, I’m learning to love and accept myself as I am. (It’s a work in progress!)
Dr. Neff has several guided meditations and exercises on her website. Here’s a 20 minute Self-Compassion/Loving-Kindness Meditation that I often listen to, as it’s also on the Insight Timer app:
https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/meditations/LKM.self-compassion.MP3
May this practice help you find some space, so that you can relax and open to things as they are.
With best wishes,
Andrea G