January 9 – Turning friendship into a verb

Dear Friends,

Ānanda was a long-time attendant of the Buddha, and he’s one of my favorite characters from the suttas. He often asks the questions that we’d want to ask, or says the things that we’d say, and the Buddha gives a teaching to him – and by extension, to us.

At one point, Ānanda says to the Buddha, “This is half of the holy life, that is good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship.”

The Buddha responds, “No so, Ānanda! This is the entire holy life, Ānanda, that is good friendship, good companionship, good comradeship.” (SN 45:2, tr. Bhikkhu Bodhi) The Buddha goes on to explain that by having good friends, we will cultivate the qualities that lead towards freedom and ease of wellbeing.

Josh Korda, the guiding teacher of Dharma Punx NYC, expands on this by adding in some of the evolutionary and biological support too. He writes:

Like it or not, this need for community is the nature of the human experience. So let’s look for admirable friendships—they’re not just the whole of the spiritual life, but the whole of human life.

https://tricycle.org/trikedaily/suffer-alone/

Christina Feldman relates friendship to mettā:

In the cultivation of metta, friendship is turned into a verb—learning what it is to actively, intentionally, and consciously befriend all people, including ourselves, all events, and all experience.

page 36

Our mettā practice can extend wishes of goodwill towards a good friend. Christina reminds us “it is not an invitation to recall nostalgic stories or become lost in the emotion but a way of reminding ourselves of the intentions and inclinations that underlie friendship.” (page 39)

Here’s a 30-ish minute talk and practice led by James Baraz, which leads us through extending metta to a friend:
https://www.dharmaseed.org/teacher/86/talk/36481/

I’ll close with a poem from the Therīgāthā, a collection of short poems from nuns in the Buddha’s time. This one is from Mitta, whose name means “friend”:

Friend,
who has left home in trust,
take delight in friends.
Cultivate good qualities
to gain peace.

First Buddhist Women: Poems and Stories of Awakening by Susan Murcott, page 37

There’s actually a rendition of this poem that I like better, but it hasn’t yet been published. I first heard it on retreat with Susie Harrington and Ayya Anandabodhi this past June, but you’re in luck… you can listen to Greg Scharf read Matty Weingast’s adaptation of the Mitta’s verse, starting at about 53:30 into the talk here:
https://www.dharmaseed.org/teacher/229/talk/53516/

May this path of friendship support you!

Warm wishes,
Andrea