Dear Friends,
There are many ways to cultivate mettā. Many teachers will lead a practice with the use of phrases. I like how Christina Feldman describes the purpose of these phrases:
“The conscious cultivation of metta as a meditative pathway employs the use of a few simple phrases that give shape and language to the intention of metta. There is nothing sacred about the phrases that I will suggest. It is important to find words that are meaningful to us, that we can use with ease. The words are secondary; they are the ways we begin to learn to sustain the intentions of kindness and befriending.
pages 23-24
The practice is about the intention of cultivating mettā. We might feel it, but we might not. We meet whatever arises with “affectionate curiosity” and with befriending. We learn “to sustain the intention of befriending”. (p.24)
Thich Nhat Hahn has used a metaphor of seeds in a garden:
Your mind is like a piece of land planted with many different kinds of seeds: seeds of joy, peace, mindfulness, understanding, and love; seeds of craving, anger, fear, hate, and forgetfulness. These wholesome and unwholesome seeds are always there, sleeping in the soil of your mind. The quality of your life depends on the seeds you water. If you plant tomato seeds in your gardens, tomatoes will grow. Just so, if you water a seed of peace in your mind, peace will grow. When the seeds of happiness in you are watered, you will become happy. When the seed of anger in you is watered, you will become angry. The seeds that are watered frequently are those that will grow strong.
as quoted on https://www.openingheartmindfulness.org/weeklytopic/2018/5/14/may-14-we-are-all-watering-seeds
Or Dr. Dan Siegel describes this from a neurobiology view:
A second fundamental principle you may have heard before is Carla Shatz’s paraphrase of Donald Hebb’s notion that “neurons which fire together, wire together.” This is the basic idea of neuroplasticity—how experience shapes changes in the brain’s structure. Where energy flows and neurons are active, links among simultaneously firing neurons are created or strengthened, making their firing together in the future more likely. Linking neurons through synapse formation and modulation is the basis of memory and learning. Neuroplasticity also includes stimulating the growth of new neurons, the laying down of myelin for skill-formation, and the shaping of the epigenetic control molecules that influence future gene expression and the subsequent growth of neural structure.
https://drdansiegel.com/brain-insights-and-well-being-2/
A good way to start the practice is to get settled in a comfortable posture, but one where you’re able to maintain alertness. One way I’ve heard this described is to sit with dignity. Then call to mind a person (or pet or teddy bear) where a sense of befriending is easy. It doesn’t have to be a glorious, perfect moment. It might be the smile of someone we passed on the street, or the co-worker who brought you a cookie, or a visit with a friend.
Then you can offer wishes for this being. These are the phrases that Christina offers:
May you be safe and well.
page 26
May you be peaceful.
May you live with ease and kindness.
Tara Brach has a short guided meditation that includes this type of reflection. You might enjoy trying it today:
https://www.tarabrach.com/guided-meditation-metta-lovingkindness/
With warm wishes,
Andrea
This post has reminded me of the wonder of lovingkindness.
How did I live my life without it?
Thich Nhat Hahn’s garden metaphor is rich and beautiful. I can see how the seeds of anger can grow. And how the seeds of peace are growing. And how this watering relates to neuroplasticity.
When I make a mistake and goof up, such as discovering the long sought- after pepper grinder on a shelf in the fridge, I no longer hear myself shout “You idiot!” .
Before tuning into lovingkindness, I never reflected on this shout. I thought it was a cute way I had of teasing myself. But in truth there was nothing kind about that tone; it was actually harsh.
Now I notice that when I forget to be mindful, like the other day when I got lost in my thoughts and missed a well-known turnoff to friend’s place, I heard myself laughing gently: “Oh silly girl”. There was a kindness to the tone. And a love I didn’t know was missing, until I noticed its presence.
I can see the seeds of lovingkindness growing strong, the lovingkindess neurons wiring together.
In gratitude,
Thanks for your reflections Carol! I love this phrasing: “a love I didn’t know was missing, until I noticed its presence.” Beautiful!
Thank you, Andrea, for the encouragement not to be somber about our practice. Love the teddy recurring from year to year to remind us of our more tender self and how we can send lovingkindness to that self too.
I loved this exercise of putting loved ones in a warm glow for a while. This could be habit-forming. Very nice.