Dear Friends,
I’m on retreat right now, so I’ve scheduled this email to keep you company until I’m back to the land of emails and internet. I won’t be able to respond to your emails or posts until Tuesday afternoon. Feel free to share your thoughts below to inspire your fellow practitioners!
A while ago, I pointed out a couple of references that outline the traditional lovingkindness practice. This practice typically involves repeating a series of phrases (e.g. may you be safe, may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you live with ease), and directing them to yourself, a friend, a stranger, someone who might ruffle your feathers, and then to all beings everywhere.
The “stranger” might be someone you see but don’t know – the person serving you coffee, someone you pass on the street, etc. For the person who “ruffles your feathers” (sometimes referred to as a “difficult person” or, more dramatically, an “enemy”), it’s recommended that we don’t start out with the most evil person that you can imagine, but start small – maybe it’s the guy down the hall who has a loud, annoying voice that carries to your office, or the driver of the car that just cut you off. And you might think, well, why should I wish these people well?
An article on the Search Inside Yourself Leadership Institute describes it this way:
if every time you see another person, you wish for that person to be happy, then eventually, your instinctive first thought is to wish for that person to be happy. After a while, you develop an instinct for kindness. You become a kind person. Your kindness shows in your face, posture, and attitude every time you meet somebody. When you project kindness people intuitively trust you. They will sense you have their best interests at heart.
The article goes on to describe a practice called “Just Like Me”. When I took the program, we were partnered up with someone in the room and made to sit near them and make eye contact but not talk. And we were led through the practice. On a less awkward basis, you can do this as a practice anytime, anywhere, without the other person even noticing:
This person has a body and a mind, just like me.
This person has feelings, emotions, and thoughts, just like me.
This person has, at some point in his or her life, been sad, disappointed, angry, hurt, or confused, just like me.
This person has, in his or her life, experienced physical and emotional pain and suffering, just like me.
This person wishes to be free from pain and suffering, just like me.
This person wishes to be healthy and loved, and to have fulfilling relationships, just like me.
This person wishes to be happy, just like me.
When we begin to realize that we’re ultimately more alike than we are different, it’s easier to wish everyone well. Give it a try, and see if you notice a difference in your practice and your relationships.
With best wishes,
Andrea