Dear Friends,
When it comes to generosity, we often have a limited sense of what generosity means – that it involves a monetary exchange or some grand act.
In one of Mark Coleman’s talks on generosity, he says that our own presence and attention is a most powerful thing to give.
In that talk he tells the story of a woman who generously gave of her time and presence to a stranger she met at a laundromat. I found this story particularly inspiring. It’s worth reading in full here:
https://whitepage4u.wordpress.com/2012/11/28/the-gift-of-acceptance-real-story/
One little clip from the story, which shows what a gift our presence can be:
You asked me for nothing and gave me something that I will carry with me until I leave this earth. You gave me acceptance, respect and treated me with a gentle regard for the person I was. … No-one has ever been so kind without expecting something in return. I was always happy to give, but you gave me a gift that is priceless: the gift of acceptance and time…
There are many ways we can bring our presence to others. One of the things I’ve been trying lately is to leave my phone alone when I’m with someone. The ringer is off, and I either leave the phone in my pocket or upside down so I won’t see the light flashing. And yes, that urge to check for messages comes up, and I can notice that with curiosity: what does it feel like in the body; what else is going on? And then, just like any other mindfulness practice, I bring my focus back to the object of my meditation – the person I am with. It’s a practice – I’m certainly not perfect with this, but I am noticing a difference.
I’d like to suggest that as you continue to explore ways you express generosity in your day, see if you can expand your sense of what it means to be generous. Maybe try giving someone the gift of your presence today, if only for a few minutes.
With best wishes,
Andrea
The story of the woman who had lost her son and found a generous friend at the laundromat where she went to pray and feel close to her son moved me to tears. And it made me want to share an experience of generosity I’ve had from an unexpected source. A woman by the name of Sandra comes once every two weeks to clean house for me. I am grateful for all she does to keep my living space clean and neat, but the greatest gift she gives me is a focused, open, empathetic attention. One might expect–no, let me own this one fully–I expected that a “cleaning woman” would keep about her tasks when engaging in conversation with me. She has other jobs to get to, after all, and I pay her by the visit, not by the hour. But every time I say something to Sandra, she stops what she is doing, looks at me and completely focuses her attention on my face and what I am saying until I have stopped talking. Her gaze is soft and her body-language relaxed, so I never experience her looking as invasive. She never shows any sign of impatience no matter how long I talk; she just embodies unhurried attentiveness, and I experience that attitude as an extraordinary generosity. I have never felt so consistently, closely, and empathetically listened to, and I am blessed with an unusual number of good, empathetic, generous people in my life. We often exchange a warm hug at some point in the time she is in my home. Sandra’s faith practice is Christian, but she never proselytizes. She just models what her teachers have taught her, and I suspect that among her best teachers is the kind and close attention she pays to those with whom she interacts. Until today, I have never put how I feel about her gift into words, but in the spirit of Adrianne’s sharing about the importance of recognizing and thanking those who have been kind, I’m going to copy this part of the post and put it in a card for her to take home with her.
Thank you for the prompting to think about others generosity, Andrea. your gift of cultivating mindful community is one I am grateful for, too. May your generosity come back to you many-fold.
Thanks Susan for sharing your story of being on the receiving end of generosity! How wonderful that you will let this special person know about their impact.