Dear Friends,
Here’s a quick exercise from my set of “Cards for Mindfulness“. It’s called “Thank Me”.
We really can give ourselves a hard time sometimes. Self-criticism and feelings of unworthiness are so common that it is really important to balance that out by remembering that fundamentally we are actually on our side. A good way to do this is to develop gratitude for ourselves, recognizing that so much of what we do, we do for our own good — even if it doesn’t always work out. So if it’s something in particular or just in general, take some time to thank yourself, because you’re doing the best you can.
Along the same lines, as part of an email series on self-compassion, I read this advice:
The Buddha once remarked, “Even though they may say, “We aren’t dear to ourselves,” still they are dear to themselves. Why is that? Of their own accord, they act toward themselves as a dear one would act toward a dear one; thus they are dear to themselves.”
This is a very interesting observation regarding self-compassion. A lot of us are very aware of being hard on ourselves, but we’re very unaware of what good–even lavish–care we take of ourselves.
This morning you probably ate exactly the things you wanted to eat for breakfast. You took care of your body by washing it, brushing your teeth, and making it smell nice. You picked out clothes that you liked. If you’re like most people, at some point in the day you’ll treat yourself to a nice coffee or a snack you enjoy. You’ll take care crossing the road, and make sure that you don’t injure yourself. At the end of the day you’ll probably watch a TV show you like. …
These are not generally the kinds of things we do for people we don’t care about. …
So I think what goes on is that we are being kind to ourselves, but we’re expecting to have feelings of kindness toward ourselves, and when we don’t find those we assume that we aren’t kind to ourselves.
We need to stop taking our own kindness for granted, and to appreciate, as we’re doing these little acts of self-care, “This is me showing kindness to myself. I’m treating myself with more care than anyone I know.” Try doing that as you buy your coffee, or have your snack, or settle back to watch some entertainment. Actually say words like those in your thoughts, in order to more fully bring your self-care into awareness.
So for today’s stealth meditation, I invite you to look for moments when you were kind to yourself, when you showed yourself a little bit of self-care. Celebrate that mindfulness. Or as Jeanne says, exercise your gratitude muscle!
With best wishes,
Andrea G